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Relationships

“I’m Bringing Sexy Back”

“I’m Bringing Sexy Back”

Like most millennials (and every other human on Earth), I think about sex. A lot.

Not in the “constantly-horny-teenager-going-through-puberty” kind of way; it’s more of a “I-feel-like-a-scientist-because-I’m-so-curious-to-know-what-other-people-think-about-this-basic-human-need” kind of thing.

Growing up, society tells us that we’re gross, perverted, and should keep our thoughts to ourselves. I don’t buy it and I never did.

As always, there is a time and place for certain conversations. Around the Thanksgiving dinner table with extended family? Probably not the right time to discuss edgy topics like sex, drugs, or politics. That is, unless you’re playing Cards Against Humanity. Then by all means, go for it!

Whenever I do have these conversations with people from older generations, I tend to get the same vibe from most of them: everyone your age is shallow and only cares about superficial B.S.

I hate to break it to the world, but us millennials are an elusive bunch.

Yes, many of us enjoy some of the stereotypical things we are constantly reminded about, such as avocado toast and bottomless mimosas (I’m more of a beermosa kind of guy), but that doesn’t mean we don’t have depth.

Take our romantic lives for example.

Unfortunately, there are still those of us who simply seek instant gratification and give the rest of us a bad rap; these are the shallow, sex-hungry millennials you see on most reality TV shows.

For the rest of us, we are so much more complex than I might think. Each one of us is a tangle of quirks, idiosyncrasies, and fetishes that makes us who we are.

I know what you’re thinking. “Who is this guy? He’s not a sexpert!”

You are 100% correct. I’m just another audacious millennial who is gutsy enough to ask hard questions. You don’t have to take my word for it. Instead of using social media to share shameless selfies (say that ten times fast!) with the rest of the world, I decided to use Facebook in order to conduct what I would call “referential research.”

I asked the internet:

What one thing do you personally consider to be most sexy in someone else?

The following answers come from people who are 18-34 years old:

“Pursuit of passion.”

“Humor.”

“The ability to hold an interesting conversation.”

“Compassionate.”

“An ability to truly listen.”

“Witty sarcasm.”

“Confidence.”

“Kindness.”

“Self control.”

“A willingness to embrace vulnerability.”

“Passion.”

“Sense of humor.”

“Chemistry with one another.”

“Genuine energy.”

“Intelligence.”

“Kind eyes.”

“Optimism.”

“Humility.”

Notice anything surprising? There is only one answer that refers to appearance or a physical body part (kind eyes hardly screams shallow to me).

Most of these answers can’t be found while swiping through photos on your phone. You can’t really deduce them by reading a profile. It takes real, face-to-face interaction. You know, the kind that us millennials are incapable of?

These traits may even sound familiar to those of you who fall under older generations. After all, who wouldn’t find compassion, confidence, or humor sexy?

I think one thing is pretty clear about millennials:

We’re all different people with different ideas of what we find sexy and, surprisingly enough, we’re not as superficial as people think. This might be helpful for older generations to keep in mind before making sweeping generalizations about millennials.

While they do that, we’ll be busy swiping right in hopes of first brunch dates and witty mates.

This post reflects the views of the author, and is intended to start a conversation. Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

Or, if you’d like to hear some overall thoughts on sex from Christians at THRED, you can find those over here.

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William is a freelance designer, writer, and founder of Collide, a company that is creating a better, deeper way to connect with others over shared ideas and skills. He is passionate about turning ideas into action and helping others do the same. When not working, William leads a double life as a beatboxer in One Too Many, St. Louis' premiere all-male a cappella group.

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