Life Challenges

Abuse in the church—it has to end.

One time, I wrote a letter to Pope Francis. I know…ridiculous. What wasn’t ridiculous was the message I wrote to him: that before he goes off to save the climate and solve the refugee crisis and bring peace to the Middle East, he first needs to take care of priority number one—addressing sexual abuse in his church. The Catholic Church has gotten the bad rap of being the sole proprietor of sexual a...

How to Speak About Abuse

I was 16 before I told my parents I had been abused. I was actually at a church gathering that night and I told my youth pastor. She encouraged me to tell my parents. When I got home that night, I sat in my car in the driveway and cried. I was so scared. I was so nervous. I was so ashamed. My mom yelled at me because I was about an hour later than I normally was (this was before cell phones, mind ...

Two years ago, you hit me.

*Note: if you’ve been a victim of trauma or abuse, the following could trigger memories, emotions, and thoughts of your trauma. I want you to be well. Please only read if you’re in a healthy space to filter and process those thoughts and emotions. Also, you may feel ashamed, isolated, and alone—that’s normal. There IS help available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799...

Rest

Gotta go to work. Gotta get the kids picked up. Gotta get dinner…meeting tonight …Why did you wait till 8:30 to tell me you needed that tomorrow? Out we go again…Kids finally in bed, thank God, now I can get to that paperwork…  It can’t be THAT late already? Better set the alarm LOUD, I’ll never get up in time tomorrow… Most of us don’t get enough rest. We are a world of underslept, under-relaxed,...

Can we listen through the pain?

I opened the email at work, which was the only reason I was keeping it together at all. I was pretty sure I had just read the end of my 15-year-long-best-friendship.  There was something in the words about not listening or hearing her, but all I read was condemnation of me. I typed back, “I heard that. I heard it loud and clear,” and pushed send. “Heartbroken” is such a trite thing to be, but it w...

Abuse

You’re in a relationship, but the person you love never wants to see friends, visit family, or have them over. He or she complains if you’re on the phone with them, and asks where you’ve been if you’re more than five minutes late home from work. After a while, you realize it’s been months since you’ve seen or talked to anybody. You’re isolated and lonely. And things aren’t great at home, either… Y...

Reconciliation—it’s not like a movie.

Reconciliation is a far cry from forgiveness. I haven’t seen my father in six years. We haven’t spoken more than twice in the past three years, and prior to that, it wasn’t much more than a handful of times. In that time, he’s been absent for the struggle of 4 miscarriages, my IVF treatment, the pregnancy of my twin daughters, their birth, two birthday parties, and all the holidays in-between. Our...

Reconciliation

It’s late at night. You toss and turn, but you can’t get to sleep. You keep thinking about that person—the look on his face when you had your last fight—the tone of her voice when she told you to leave. You can’t forget the angry words, the sense of betrayal, the question of “Why?” And yet… you still miss that person. How you wish you could undo time! Will the two of you ever be back on your old t...

I’m grateful for friends who tell me I’m wrong.

When I think about my life and the people in it, I am reminded of the value of good and honest friendships. The people who are dearest to me all seem to have one thing in common—they call me out on my crap. Truth is a real thing. I try to talk to my 5-year-old about the difference between a fact and a belief. But teaching her about truth involves more than that—it’s also about being humble enough ...

The Funny Side of Divorce

Ok…who am I kidding? There’s absolutely nothing funny about divorce. It’s terrible. Hands down, it’s in the Top 5 Most Horrible Things I’ve Ever Experienced. If you’ve never been through it, take my word for it. It’s…Terrible. (With a capital T—that rhymes with P for ‘Please make it stop!’) That being said, I never thought I’d find myself in this position and there’s no way I was prepared fo...

The Very Public Nature of a Very Private Matter

Divorce sucks. No matter if it’s “amicable” or a battle royale, the process is grueling, emotionally taxing, and in the age of digital media—horribly public. If the legal documents, division of property, and emotions were not enough, today’s relational landscape includes navigating the ins-and-outs of social media as well! Today, more and more couples dissolving their marriages in their 30s and 40...

Divorce

Divorce is a painful subject. That’s why I think I’d better say where I’m coming from up front—my parents were divorced, and someone I love dearly is on the verge of divorce as I write. I’m married, but there were times when I feared we were going to wind up in the courts as well. So there’s that. What do Christians think about divorce? As you know, there’s a huge spectrum of views and practices, ...

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