In this series, Ken Chitwood explores classic spiritual disciplines, taking up a new practice each month and sharing his experiences with the Thred community. Read more here (with hyperlink to first post).
Whenever my wife Paula and I visit the United States from our home in Germany, we always look forward to plopping down on the couch and watching…television commercials!
I know, I know. It’s…weird. But when you live outside the States, it’s always a bit fun to take in the steady stream of ads for everything from probiotic pet food to knock-knock jokes sent directly to your cell phone.
While lounging on the loveseat one night and zoning out with some House Hunters on HGTV, a Burger King commercial caught my attention.
Promising a burger made to order and certified fresh, the promotion ended with the chain’s familiar ditty: “BK, have it your way. You rule!”
The commercial struck me in a particular way that evening, as I was in the midst of practicing the discipline of submission — an exercise in self-denial that invites us to, contra Burger King, not always have it our way.
The commercial prompted me to consider how submission is one of the most critical customs Jesus-followers might rediscover today. But in our current context, it’s become a bit lost in translation. Let me tell you why.
What’s the difference between submission and spiritual abuse?
In a time when we are increasingly aware of spiritual abuse and the misuse of religious authority by pastors and priests, gurus, and seemingly good people, the discipline of submission can seem obsolete — if not dangerous.
Let me be clear: abuse is all too common in religious communities.
Having written about abuse by preachers and teachers from the UK to Texas, France to Florida, I am intimately aware of the damage done by patterns of coercive and controlling psychological, physical, and emotional behavior in a religious context.
But I fear that amidst uncovering abuse and critical conversations around who has authority and why, we are also abandoning a healthy discipline rooted in millennia of Christian spiritual practice.
Submission as a spiritual discipline is not capitulating to an authority at any cost. It is not allowing yourself to be bullied by those who put themselves in a position of power over you. It is not making yourself a human doormat for others to tread over and stomp on as they see fit.
Instead, submission is self-denial for the sake of serving others.
And pairing this definition with the robust conversation around spiritual abuse can help us focus on the dynamic of power, which is key to the proper practice of submission in a spiritual life.
Ceding power in practice
For Christians in the U.S., submission can be particularly powerful when it comes to our relationships with the subaltern.
This will mean giving things up. It will mean submitting our time, talents, and treasures to those who have less than we do.
This can present itself in a variety of ways. Sometimes I keep my mouth shut in a meeting, slowing down the decision-making process to involve more perspectives from a wider variety of people, or intentionally seeking out individuals or constituencies in my community whose outlook might otherwise be overlooked.
Anthropological theory teaches that the subaltern is any individual — or social group — displaced to the margins. In other words: people with significantly less agency or social status than others in the same society.
Sitting at the feet of those who have been traditionally marginalized in our communities and churches liberates “us to value our brothers and sisters in a way that is difficult, if not impossible, when we are thinking only of our own self-interest,” writes Valerie Hess.
In relation to concerns about spiritual abuse, this kind of submission can help create new systems and structures that welcome people who might typically remain silent (or are silenced by those in power). As they speak, their words can shape our community and help us serve the world in new ways.
More than that, it means actually listening to, and leaning into, the recommendations and recriminations received so that they change the way we learn and love.
De-centering the self
With all this said, self-denial for the sake of service can seem an unfamiliar concept in a culture that emphasizes our individuality and agency above all else. We are taught, through advertisements and self-help quick tips, that we can control and bend the universe to us.
But what if we can’t? Or, more crucially, what if we shouldn’t?
Submission, as an exercise in active and intentional unassertiveness, helps us de-center the self for the sake of listening to, and learning from, others. It can also mean letting others take the lead even though we easily could. As an antidote to the misplaced promises of self-sufficiency and as a means of ameliorating our privilege and power, submission invites us to value other people over ourselves.
Theologian Richard Foster put it this way: submission means others’ “dreams and plans become important to us.”
Knowing we are loved by God means we are free to better value other people and love them without preconditions. “We have,” Foster writes, “given up the right to demand that they return our love.”
When Jesus bent to wash his disciples feet, it included his friend that would betray him to the authorities, his friends that would run and hide at his arrest, his friends who would deny their connection to him, his friends who would stand at the foot of the cross and watch him die–and his friends who would hurry to the tomb, rejoice in his resurrection and tell His story that would be passed on for generations to come. And in that moment, he served them each the same.
Care and discernment. Humility and love.
Practicing submission requires great care to avoid corruption. It requires discernment so that it does not become destructive. It requires deep humility to not deny the law of love.
In other words, if submission ever calls us to a place that does not enable us to love our neighbor more or causes any kind of harm to others, we have erred. Then, submission has veered into manipulation, misuse of authority, or even oppression.
And yet, the risks are worth the rewards. Submission not only counteracts the worst of individualism in our own lives but helps rectify the harm those in power have often caused to those supposed to be in their care.
Most importantly, it opens us up to better know God’s will and love others according to their needs. And that, after all, is the point of practicing any of the spiritual disciplines.
